As Valentine’s Day approaches ever nearer, I feel that many people–men and women alike–feel the need to be with someone during this time. Filled with the air of romance, love and companionship, it’s a dreamy celebration…except for those who are single and “without someone.” Though, at times, being single can seriously suck, there are also times when being in a relationship can suck just as much and, whereas craving companionship versus not craving it is different among different people, I’m here to give you my story and, possibly, some inspiration if you find yourself struggling.
Since moving to college I feel like I am constantly asked whether or not I’ve met “someone.” Being in the year 2016, I would have thought we moved past the “MRS Degree,” but I suppose not. Upon being asked this (which I’m asked quite frequently, so it annoys me unbelievably), my initial response is usually along the lines of, “Nope, but I don’t really need anyone.” And that’s exactly how I feel.
Upon hearing this, most responses fall along the lines of, “Are you lonely?” Pondering on this question for a second, I confidently respond, “No, not at all.”
You see, the thing is, I’ve never been lonely being single. I’ve never felt the drive to have a significant other at all times. I’ve never seen, personally, how people can jump from one partner to the next with only a couple of weeks in between. I’m perfectly fine being by myself and, as a woman in the newly developed twenty-first century, that may seem odd to more traditionalist folk.
I’ve never understood why people feel the need to have companionship in their lives.
Let me say this, though: I’ve had serious relationships. I’ve had casual relationships. I’ve had emotional sex. I’ve had casual sex. I’ve had Netflix & Chill. I’ve cuddled. A lot.
So I totally get what it feels like to be close to someone–whether its emotionally or physically–it’s comforting. I just don’t feel the need to have that all the time.
Occasionally I crave cuddling in a guy’s arms or a passionate kiss against the wall and, sometimes, an emotional connection with a person, but I’ve never let this dominate my life.
There are many reasons I enjoy being single but, ultimately, independence plays the biggest role. Maybe it’s because I’m the first born and, for the early part of my childhood, was raised by a single mother. Maybe it’s just in my natural, God-given drive. Who knows? Either way, I just prefer to have my own say.
This isn’t saying that people in relationships aren’t independent. One is certainly capable of being independent in a relationship but, what I don’t like, is losing a bit of that independence by depending on your partner. Suddenly, in a relationship, you find your dependency growing and growing with your partner and, for me, that’s too scary to handle. I don’t want to be so dependent on another person that I lose sight of the path I’m traveling on.
Along the same lines of independence, I honestly just like to be alone. I’m a social butterfly, definitely. I’m outgoing, I’m vibrant, my favorite description of myself is “BOLD,” coined by one of my closest friends. When the day is done, though, I usually prefer to be by myself or, at least, have space. For me, being in a relationship can be suffocating because you feel the need (or responsibility) to constantly be with someone and, well, I don’t really like to hang out with someone too much.
Then there’s the whole idea of monogamy–an idea that has all but been ruined in the twenty-first century. Many people I know, including myself, actively agree that it’s kind of ridiculous to expect to be with one person for the rest of your life. How will we remain happy for so long? People change, interests change, change is inevitable.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be with someone for the rest of my life–an extended period of time, maybe, but not forever. Forever is such an overused, overrated word and, in most cases, untrue.
Call me bitter, but I just don’t believe in forever so, when I’m in a relationship, there’s always a part of me that knows it’s going to end eventually.
All of this makes me sound like such a pessimist, I know, but I’m really not. I love being in relationships and being close to people. I love having trust in someone and dependence on something great, but I love even more my ability to call my own shots and be 100% confident in my future, whether it’s alone or with someone else.
What I’m trying to say is, for the general population, being single needs to be embraced. If you’re in a relationship, embrace being in a relationship. Embrace whatever is going on in your life now, don’t be wishing for something else.
Image Courtesy of: Hannah Ramirez Photography